WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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