Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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