Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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