I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.