i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.