Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
