Well apparently he's into motor boating.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
