Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
