All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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