I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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