She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
