That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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