remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
