Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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