it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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