My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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