ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
