I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
