My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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