I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
