Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's always time for handjobs
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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