i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
