the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
