I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
