Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
