Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
