Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
