Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
