Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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