I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
