well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
