you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
