Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
