Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize