Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
