worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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