Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
