i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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