that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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