I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
