goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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