I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
