Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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