Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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