Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
