I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
