Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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