If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
