When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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