I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
