i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
