i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
