So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
