so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Success! We fucked roommates!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
