Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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