so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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