I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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