I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
