so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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