Do you still have your period?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
