Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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