question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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