the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
