No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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