so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
