i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
