why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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