HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
